I've been up in London the last couple of days, attending the London Vet Show. I had a feeling that there might be free food and drink around so I had made a decision to walk from London Victoria to the exhibition centre at Olympia. This is a distance (according to Mr Google) of 3.1 miles and should take about 1hr and 8 minutes. I also intended to walk back at the end of each day. These plans meant that I had to set off from home at 6am in order to get there and attend the first lectures at 9am. As a result, I was and still am very tired. I didn't take a map because I have done this walk every time I have attended the London Vet Show - I know where I'm going...
I should say that I really like London. Denise hates it - too many people, too much noise, and I have a tendency to make her run across roads when traffic is bearing down on us. But I love the feeling of history and the buildings and the parks. I love arriving in London early in the morning before it gets busy. I've always loved this, since I first took the overnight coach down to London in 1987 so I could attend another convention (a Dr Who convention which was much more enjoyable than a vet show - sorry, vet show!) There's something about the empty streets that feels weirdly fantastical to me - like 28 Days Later.
But because I have done this walk frequently, I like to take little detours. I've got a frankly astonishing sense of direction so I know that I will always get to where I want to be. So I ended up wandering down quiet backstreets with little expensive boutique shops. In the morning here were often small children being shepherded along the streets by ladies who I believed were very likely to be their minimum waged nannies. Or possibly their maximum waged nannies. None of them had much of a Mary Poppins look about them. Most looked harassed and like the small children held the power of life or death over them.
I always wonder what is going on in these houses that I walk past, how much money is swirling around behind those expensive front doors. I am, unfortunately, consumed by envy a lot of the time. It isn't an attractive characteristic but I can't stop myself. Maybe that can be my next challenge, once I've lost the weight - to unburden myself of all my negativity and just be a lovely mountain of positivity.
On the last walk back across London, I was really tired. Really, really tired. And I got distracted by a very tall man walking a Bassett Hound. There are a lot of tall people in London. It is possible that there are just a lot of people in London and I happen to notice tall people because they are tall. But it really seems to me that there are a lot of tall, well dressed, possibly expensively dressd, people around. And I always wonder whether tallness is a trait that gets people good jobs in the City. Because it is stereotypically such an 'alpha' male place to work that towering over everybody maybe confers some psychological advantage either in the hiring process or something.
So, a lot of tall people.
Not many of them walking dogs.
Not many of them using a dirty pair of trousers instead of a leash.
I was so distracted by this that I got hopelessly lost. Maybe just really tired and distracted. But it took me nearly twice as long to get back to London Victoria.
On the plus side, I had burned a few more calories. On the negative side I had started to form more theories, fuelled by envy and tiredness.
What if the greater level of tallness amongst successful Londoners was due to something else?
What if David Icke was right? And the 10 foot lizards are already among us?
What if this sort of thing is going on all the time?
If I don't blog tomorrow, you will know that I was right.