'It has been 138 days since your last visit.'
Oh, the good old Wii fit. Wettest blanket since records began. Most patronising lump of white plastic ever.
And yet, repeatedly, I go crawling back to it, craving its attention and good will. It was nice that it was so pleased and showered the screen with flowers when it turned out that I had reached the goal I set 138 days ago. Though it did add that I seemed to have slightly over-run on the time limit I had set myself.
The little git can never just say, 'Well done, you lost a load of weight'
Anyway. Why, given my obvious level of antipathy, did I switch on the Wii fit yesterday? Especially bearing in mind that this is no spur of the moment thing. After 138 days, you can't just turn it on and get going, you have to charge batteries, sort out cables, and hope that kittens haven't chewed through wires.
I was using it for reference. I have no record of how light I got on my previous diet. No real idea at what point on that long trek I gave up and turned back, headed back down the foothills of Mount Nevereat to Obese Camp where a large slap up meal was waiting.
My MyFitnessPal account starts a couple of years ago, at 18 stone. This is a constant source of irritation as it keeps telling me that I have only lost 4lbs rather than the more impressive 2 stone and 11lbs.
But, apparently, I've had the Wii Fit for 2298 days and so it has more records heading back into the mists of time. And it turns out that the lightest recorded weight that I have ever been is 17 stone and 7 lbs.
If everything goes to plan, this is the weight I will be at my weigh-in this week.
And from there on, I shall be entering territory as yet unexplored.
Wish me luck.