Spirit is always better than words.
Oh man, but words are pretty good too. I wouldn't be sitting here typing if words weren't important.
In the middle of the day I had been working pretty hard. Missed my morning tea break because there were approximately a million people waiting to be seen. Half an hour into my lunch break I was still working and somebody came and asked me to do something.
'Please ask somebody else,' I said, 'there are three other vets in the building and I haven't had a break yet.'
I immediately felt like the most horrible person in the world because one of the things I have learned in my life is that other people are generally not doing things to annoy me. If I am annoyed it is probably me that has the problem. Either I'm tired or stressed or something. So if I say something in a harsh way I almost immediately apologise because, really, I just feel like a complete cad. 'Cad' is not my word of choice in this circumstance, I judge myself much more harshly than that but the word I use in my head is not appropriate for a family blog so you'll just have to imagine it is something pretty bad!
After I got my lunch I apologised again but I couldn't put my finger on what had made me feel bad today. Nothing was particularly bad at work. And then I twigged what it was...
About 18 years ago now, I was spending some time with a friend of mine in a town near to where I grew up. I forget exactly how the subject came up but she mentioned to me that she had heard some other people in my year at university talking about me and she had defended me. Which was nice.
What she said was, 'They said you were fat and ugly. So I told them to shut up. You aren't that fat.'
Now, this wasn't a close friend. And it wasn't somebody to who I would normally ascribe a sense of humour. For years I have felt a bit bitter and shocked that she felt this was a kind thing to say to me.
It is only now, after all these years, that it occurs to me that maybe, once again, the problem lay with me. Maybe she was saying this as a joke. It's kind of funny. If you aren't in a pit of self-loathing where you consider yourself to be fat and ugly. It is, isn't it? Kind of funny.
That wasn't the thing that sprung to mind as to why I was feeling sad today after doing some exercise this morning. But it is another example of how easy it is to take something the wrong way or address somebody the wrong way if you don't consider your own feelings. Simple feelings can sometimes alter the tone of a whole day. A few harsh words can make a day worse. A few sad words can make the day sadder.
So this is what happened...
I was in the gym and, as you know, the new series of Doctor Who starts on Saturday, with a new Doctor. Yay! So this week I downloaded the last two episodes on BBC I-player and have been watching them at the gym in preparation (does this sound a little bit like the action of an anorak? yes, I know it does)
I do 45 minutes on the cross-trainer which has a little epilogue of 5 minutes cool down. So all the feel good endorphins coursing through my system while I was exercising suddenly started to wear off as I did the cool down. And the part of the episode that was playing while I did my cool down was the bit where Matt Smith has grown old and his companion is pleading with the Time Lords to help him.
I realise even more how nerdy this is. But drama is a major force for good in the world and, with all due respect to all you normal people out there and your weird opinions, I bloody love Doctor Who and I have never cared who knows it. And since it came back for the 21st century Dr Who has been powered by strong words, strong music and strong visuals.
So with Murray Gold's epic music swirling in the background, with Jamie Payne's amazing direction and with the Moffat's words being spoken, Clara put her mouth close up to the crack (see I can throw in a bit of cheap innuendo) and said...
" You've been asking a question, and it's time someone told you you've been getting it wrong. His name, his name is the Doctor. All the name he needs. Everything you need to know about him. And if you love him, and you should, help him. Help him. "
...and then there was a load of flash-bang-whiz and the Doctor looked sad and then turned into Peter Capaldi. But it all made me feel very sad, because I have loved the last few years of Doctor Who. And whilst I know I'm going to love what comes next, there was so much more, so much missing, that I wish we could have had.
Even though Denise thinks Matt Smith has a head shaped like a potato (which, I guess, he does)
So that, I believe, is why I felt sad this morning. A bit of simple manipulative words and music and my whole day is worse. What an idiot!
And yes, I agree, I should get out more.
And maybe watch comedy while I'm exercising.