Good old vegetables, eh? If you are dieting, vegetables are a blooming god send. You can eat loads and loads of them. They are full of vitamins and minerals that are good for you. They look good on the plate. They fill you up. They are a miracle bestowed on us by a benevolent Mother Nature. Thank you, Ma Nature!
Now would you mind just making them taste a bit less disgusting?
Wooooooah there! I hear you cry (possibly from the other side of the living room in which I am writing this) What are you saying? Taste disgusting? That is crazy talk.
I know, I know. Not all of them taste disgusting. Some of them taste of barely anything at all (I'm looking at you, lettuce and cucumber) and one of them tastes ok, but only when it sheds it's green vegetable overcoat and dances around in its red or yellow undies (hooray for red peppers)
But cabbage, cauliflower and broccoli? Oh my god! Actively nausea inducing is what they are.
Now I know there are some of you (especially those in the same room as me) who will consider this vicious slander on the humble vegetable. And I haven't even vented my feelings on the subject of the many and varied sawdusty flavours of nuts.
It is just possible that our taste buds respond differently to food. Or that I am right about the disgustingness and other people are wrong. It just seems very unfortunate that Nature has failed to triumph in the battle of the foods with Old Father Artifice. How does that evil git make his food so moreish? Why do I crave chips and cake and chocolate and cheese and barbecued bits of dead animal and all that stuff? Was Old Father Artifice laughing his socks off when he created cake? Was he coughing and spluttering with mirth when handed over a special mix of herbs and spices to Colonel Sanders? Is he, in actual fact, actually Colonel Sanders himself?
Luckily for me, Denise can get Old Father Artifice in a headlock and punch him repeatedly in the face because, although she likes vegetables (weirdo) she knows a gazillion ways to conceal them in meals so that I will happily eat them. Which means that, this evening, I had a massive dinner and I feel full up.
And I've still got some calories left for a biscuit and a cup of tea.