However, I shall soldier on...
David Cameron is, according to Google, 1.85metres tall. I know I did Ed Miliband in feet, but once you're in Europe and you essentially have a more rational system of measurement, why not stick with it.
David Cameron has, on occasion, been a bit of a podge as many of us are...
Here we see David, taking breakfast with his family...
A serving of 40g of Bitesize Shredded Wheat (Yuk) with 125 ml semi-skimmed milk comes in at 207 kcal, but David is eating his in a pasta bowl so, completely at random, I am going to say he is eating twice the recommended portion and making the other less fortunate members of his household eat less, the cad. So 400kcal for breakfast.
Fast forward through a hectic day at Downing Street and we get to elevenses and, according to an interview he gave for Mumsnet, his favoured biscuit is oatcakes with butter and cheese. He definitely says oatcakes plural, so I'm going to assume that with his eleven o'clock cup of Joseph, he also eats 2 Nairns Fine Milled Oatcakes (36kcal each) with 15g of camembert (45kcal) and 5g butter (40kcal) Bringing his elevenses total, if we add in a skinny latte from Starbucks (102kcal) to what I am going to say is 260kcal.
And before you write in to complain about my innumeracy, I'm round numbers in one direction or another to make my final sums easier.
Which in fairness to your initial complaint suggests a degree of innumeracy...
Where does a prime minister eat lunch? Well, famously after eating lunch here....
I shall select, completely at random, a starter, main course and dessert from their menu, and assume that because David has a driver, that he probably had a glass of champagne too...
So, this is what David Cameron definitely eats for lunch every day!
(yeah, yeah, we're all in it together)
Starter:Grilled and minted Lamb Rissoles served with red onion chutney
Main course: Pot Roast Daubes of Beef with a rich Port wine sauce on horseradish mash
Dessert:Steamed “old fashioned” Spotted Dick served with custard
1 glass of champagne
90 kcal (which I have to say is astonishingly good value, may have to look into this!)
Ok, so in total for lunch, David Cameron quaffed a gut busting 1640kcal!
I don't know what David Cameron has for dinner, but his fans on YouGov profiler have a favourite dish, and it would be churlish of David not to indulge them...
So, how many calories in Tournedos Rossini?
Or, more to the point, what is Tournedos Rossini?
And the calories?
As David and his struggling stomach wend their way towards the close of day at Downing Street, there is probably still time for one of his fabled 'country suppers' in the company of Rupert Murdoch, Jeremy Clarkson, Rebekah Brooks and all the rest of the Cotswolds set. What is a 'country supper'?
Luckily I have the Tatler to confuse me further. It isn't, they say, 'a kitchen supper'. Like that is a thing any more than a 'country supper.'
Actually, the only thing I can glean from the article in Tatler is that you should eat cereal (Bitesize Shredded Wheat (Yuk) but probably only one portion 200kcal) before going, that there will be roast chicken (450kcal for half roast chicken) and exactly 5 quails eggs (70kcal)
Making a total of 720kcal for your country supper.
Does he do any exercise?
So the day's net calories are...
In 1 year, this will take David Cameron from his currently healthy weight to 23 stone!
Now I mentioned earlier that David had been on a diet. He cut out peanuts (a bit like I cut out cheese) This worked for him, but I hope you noticed that I didn't include any peanuts in David's diet. And he still ballooned in size.
I think, just possibly, David needs a bit of time off work to think about how much he's eating and maybe get himself under control...