Hang on, that's not right! What was I thinking of. It's the opposite, isn't it!
This morning there was somebody from the PDSA PR department. Nothing to do with me. But when they found out about my little sponsored weight loss, they thought they would like to meet this man-mountain who aims to shed colossal quantities of weight. I wasn't so sure about the whole prospect. After all, I'm quite shy and do not crave the media spotlight. But, if it publicises the blog and the website, and obviously raises money for charity (I suppose) then it has to be a good thing.
But then she wanted to take pictures of the behemoth.
I felt a chill run down my spine. But in for a penny...
We went in front of the building so that we could have the PDSA sign behind me.
'We just need a picture that shows the sign, but not those poo bins,' she said.
'Don't worry,' I replied, ' I'm sure I can stand in such a way that my enormous belly will conceal the bins.'
And it did.
Then we went inside and asked some nice clients if they minded pictures being taken of me examining their pets. I really love being watched at work and this was double the fun!
We did the photos. Showed them to everybody and had a good laugh at how much I'd pushed my stomach out to try to look fatter. How I'd balanced a tiny puppy on my tummy, just to show how much it stuck out!
But really, I thought, I don't look fat enough in those photos. I mean, I am fat, but they didn't do me justice! Would people really believe my starting weight when they saw them? Had I made a mistake in losing nearly a whole stone in the first week (apart from the obvious dire health consequences)
So in order to correct this possible impression that I am not really that big after all, I am prepared to unleash upon the world a terrible image.
Suffice it to say, that he could not make me thin. Nor could he make me sleep, or make me successful. He was pretty good at helping me give up smoking, but only because I never bothered to start.
But for now, with the pressure increasing upon me to lose weight, all I have to say is, using the immortal lyrics of Queen's 'Under Pressure'
Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de
Pressure pushing down on me!