Genuinely, can't keep his head still for a minute. Makes you feel a little seasick after a minute or two.
Having just written the above, I have suddenly been struck by a degree of paranoia that I might be using terminology incorrectly. I wouldn’t like to think that the word ‘idiot’ has some kind of medical usage. Thankfully, the source of all knowledge assures me that this is not the case, though ‘idiot’ was used for a long time as a medical definition. Interestingly, according to a page on the BBC website from 2001, idiots are not allowed to vote in a General Election, nor are the Royal Family. I leave you to draw your own conclusions from this.
(I don’t like to edit something where I’ve made a telling political point, or let facts stand in the way of such a thing, but I’ve just been back to the website and the Royal Family can vote! I leave you to revise your conclusions if you feel that you should)
On ‘Supersize vs Superskinny’, Dr Christian makes a very fat person and a very thin person swap meals for a couple of days. This helps them confront their ridiculous portion sizes or crazy diet by considering somebody else’s ridiculous portion sizes or crazy diet and allows large swathes of the British public to feel slightly superior because, ‘I may eat a lot, but you are something else!’
So it always gets a bit funny when the thin person looks at a massive plate of curry, chips, fried egg, sweet and sour chicken and battered cod for their breakfast and turns green, then the fat person is given a twiglet (if
they’re lucky) and a can of Red Bull and looks angry, and a bit like they want to reach across the table and eat all the food and then eat the thin person for good measure.
But they don’t do the vomit tubes any more. Fast forward through sending the fatty to meet a very fat American who is too far gone for any help and the fatty does a little piece to camera about how this has convinced them to turn their life around. Because Dr Christian thought he was missing out on a free trip to the US they’ve also added him popping up at some random moment to empathise in a wobbly headed way with the fat American. In the last series they had a jolly moment when fat American (in her mobility scooter) and fatty Brit were in the supermarket buying multipacks of crisps and Dr Christian leapt out from behind a stack of Pringles and shamed them into putting one multipack back. How we laughed!
Dr Christian then presents fatty and thinny with a diet plan and tells them to meet up in 3 months for a weigh in. We get a little montage of fat person slicing cucumber and making a healthy stir fry. The thin person goes to a Pizza Express and has a slice of pizza. And then…
Dr Christian enthuses, ‘When we first met you weighed 30 stone and 5lbs. Today you weigh 29 stone and 4lbs! Well done, that’s 1 stone and 1lb!’
At which point I shout at the telly, ‘That’s pathetic! I lose half a stone in my first week on a new diet! You should have lost at least 3 stone. Pathetic!’
And then I slump back into my armchair, my fat body weakened by so much exertion. But there is more. I manage to crank open my eyelids to watch the thin person being weighed. Under my breath I am already muttering.
Dr Christian says, ‘You weighed 6 stone and 2lbs. Well, today you weigh 6 stone 3lbs! That’s an incredible gain of 1lb!’ He manages to say this with such enthusiasm and yet I still shout at the telly.
‘Rubbish! I could gain that in half an hour!’
And then still-fat and still-thin do a little celebratory dance.
Now the point of me talking about all this is that (a) I am very unsympathetic to other fatties and (b) I am also very unempathic to thinnies. But I believe that thin people can’t understand how fat people let themselves go so much that they become so fat. In the same way fat people can’t understand how thin people find it hard to gain weight. We all need to understand each other better and the world would be a happier place.
That’s a nice message to end on.
Hang on a moment I’ve just explained why thin people have it so much more difficult than fat people. Poor bloody thin people. I’m going to have to rethink my theory.
We all need to understand each other better and the world would be a happier place.
What a nice message to end on.