You may have noticed the increasing lack of relevance, humour and intelligence of posts on my blog. This may be because my brain is being starved of nutrition which keeps it working. Or it may be a sign that I am often too tired after work for rational thought. Or it may be that after 10 months I have nothing more to say, and know that nobody is listening anyway.
So, bearing that in mind, here are the top Hammer House of Horror monsters reimagined as fat monsters. Or rather this is Google image searches of traditional movie monsters with part of their name replaced by the word 'fat'. The pictures may, I'm afraid, not appear to be very relevant. Soz.
Enjoy! Or not. It is entirely up to you.
5. The Fatty.
After archaeologists disturb his tomb, Arnold Linklater pursues them through the night, arms outstretched, to wreak his terrible revenge. He will subsume them in his fat embrace.
4. The WereFat
Emily Linklater was bitten by a fatty when she was touring a secret military installation in Nevada. Since then, whenever the moon waxes gibbous, she is consumed by the urge to eat lard and her mum says its a wonder she hadn't started to look like lard. But werefat powers mean she can eat as much as she likes and remain. Her friends have asked her to bite them too. But her only hunger is for lard.
3. Dr Fatty and Mr Fat
Dr Linklater Fatty was a mild mannered ophthalmologist who by day would drink his tea from a nice mug which his receptionist had bought for him. One day, as he was enjoying his tea, he realised that the cartoon character depicted on it was Roger Hargreaves' Mr Greedy and that there was no 'Mr Fatty' at all. Dr Fatty, enraged at a possibly infringement of copyright, went mental! And threw his mug away. His receptionist was at a loss.
2. Fatkenstein's Monster
There are no images of Fatkenstein's Monster because Google are not prepared to admit this creature exists. Even though he is in Google's basement chained and in torment. Google - pay your taxes or I will reveal this dark secret to the world. Oops, too late!
...is a real person who will (and for legal purposes I should point out that she won't) definitely suck all the fat from your veins and leave you delipified husk. If delipified is a word. Ipad autocorrect suggests it isn't, but what do they know?