One of my colleagues travelled halfway round the world to visit her relatives recently. Neighbours from years ago were pleased to see her but told her that she was getting fat.
'I hope you punched them in the face,' I said. My lovely colleague is very much not fat.
'They said I was looking English,' she added. Because the English are known, in that part of the world, for being overweight. A bit like we, in our parochial way, think of the Americans as being fat.
'Maybe they were trying to say, quite impolitely, that you were looking well?' I asked.
'No, they think I am fat.'
'You should definitely have punched somebody,' I told her. Except, of course, that violence is never the answer.
Another of my colleagues, who has been on holiday for a bit and was looking well (by which I mean she was looking well) hurried up to me this morning and said, with glee, 'Six pounds!'
The pleasure with which she told me this could only mean one thing...
'Well done,' I said, 'that's amazing!'
'No,' she said with great good humour, 'I put it on!'
Ah well, it is the English way.