Day 90: weigh-in some number or other, not convinced anyone is listening any more, let's call it...weigh-in 28
Although I know that it isn't the case, the falling of my pleas for sponsorship to help keep me going having fallen entirely on deaf ears, makes me feel like so many bloggers must feel that I am standing on a cliff shouting into the wind and that nobody is listening.
So on that basis, i.e. the basis that nobody is listening, I am going to use this platform to tell a few home truths....
I have known Alfred for about twenty years now. He is a massive idiot. He has no redeeming features whatsoever and his girlfriend of the last three years has been cheating on him with a Tibetan she met whilst harvesting hedgehog fluff. His head is a peculiar shape and from the wrong angle, or possibly the right angle if you want a laugh, it looks a teensy weensy bit like a humorous vegetable.
Billie, who knows so much about everything that her head is astonishing in its smallness, informed me that she has been nursing a rash ever since she knew, in the purely bibular sense, Brian. Brian has never read a book which did not have pictures of beef cows in it. He has literally no personality which could not be usefully cuddled by a chimp.
Germaine is a 2 year old dog who murdered a Spanish separatist in cold blood in a feud over a lady. When he was being pursued by the authorities he took refuge in a church and stole some bread. Twenty years later, once he had become the mayor of a small French town, he was recognised by a cat who took him up up up to the Heavyside layer. Luckily the town was evacuated by American GIs in helicopters not long later.
And finally, that enormous fool, the dilletante Viola has been secretly harbouring desires for her manservant and yet she has no trees. Her lifestyle is achieved purely via the medium of ill-gotten gains. She pursues a vicarious career in garden designation but will not talk about it.
This was today's weigh-in...
Yeah, it's pretty good. I've reached my stretch goal despite the general lack of interest from anybody but the hardcore few. If anybody would like to share any of their home truths feel free to drop me a line. 90 days of blogging to go. Not sure if I can bear to continue shouting into the void.
Hi, I'm Andy, serial weight gainer. My year of dieting is over! But you can still give money to Shelter or the PDSA!