There are things called 'life hacks'. Really.
These are new ways of doing things that make them more efficient so you spend less of your extremely valuable time fannying around doing stuff unnecessarily. One of them espoused by a friend of mine is the easier way to eat a banana.
I'm pretty sure that, like me, you've spent most of your life feeling annoyed about the wastefulness of your banana-peeling routine. As the lifehacker website puts it...
It's possible you've been opening bananas the most efficient way, but more likely you've been opening them—like we have—the completely backwards and frustrating way. Most people start by grabbing the stem of the bananas and using it like a pull tab to get the banana open. This usually works with a somewhat high degree of success, high enough to keep people doing it and writing off the occasional banana opening mishap as problem with a faulty banana and not a problem with their technique.
Help is at hand because there are videos of the easier way to open a banana. I would film a video for you but, if I'm honest, the simpler method was beyond me, so I'm going to have to stick with the tried and tested, but occasionally disastrously catastrophic, way I always do it.
There's a link here on how to open a banana the monkey way.
Ever since I knew I was opening bananas in the wrong way, I wondered if I was eating other things the wrong way. Other than just eating too fast, which is entirely because in the North of England if you leave your food alone for too long people come and steal it.
So I spent the afternoon rethinking the way I eat apples.
I was slightly dissatisfied about my apple eating technique. What I normally do is eat the equator of the apple, then work my way around the north and south poles, leaving the twig and the nubbin intact (these are definitely the correct terms) I then polish off any remaining apple flesh whilst steering clear of the core and the pips. Because everybody knows that if you eat these an apple tree will grow I your tummy and you will be in serious trouble.
But my dissatisfaction arose from the equatorial bites being bigger and more mouth filling than every subsequent bite. It's the law of diminishing returns.
So my new technique, which I have yet to perfect and will, believe me, have a proper DVD release when fully established, is to work my way around the apple in two traverses along the tropics of Cancer and Capricorn. At my first attempt, this involved holding the apple in the 'poles-horizontale' position for the Capricornial traverse, and then adopting 'poles-verticale' for the Cancerial.
Resulting in this appearance...
...which is particularly satisfying because it looks just like an apple core TARDIS console. But it wasn't actually what you would call 'easier' than the original method.
But don't you worry, once I've got it sorted you will be shaving whole seconds from your apple- eating. Your life will change.