Once upon a time there was a lady. She could possibly have been called Denise. Let us, then, for the sake of argument call her thus.
'Thus?' says Daisy, who is in the kitchen decoupaging a rocking chair. 'Odd name, Thus.'
'She doesn't mean the lady was called 'Thus,' says Primrose, who is making toffee apples en masse because she likes to be ahead for Halloween.
'Then why did she say she was?' says Daisy. 'Doesn't make sense, does it? She is either called 'Denise' or 'Thus' and quite frankly I know which one I would prefer.'
'Would you like a toffee apple?' says Primrose. 'Might help stick your beak together.'
'Are you,' says Daisy, 'in a roundabout way telling me to shut up?'
'Yes,' says Primrose.
'Okay,' says Daisy.
Anyway, this lady, Thus Denise, was in possession of not one, but TWO umbrellas. Some may say this is blatant extravagance in the sphere of umbrella ownership but Thus Denise thought it a sensible thing because a) there is a lot of rain in Kent and b) she liked both umbrellas for their aesthetic qualities as well as their keep-me-dry properties and c) she did a lot of walking and did not want a repeat of the Great Walking Downpour Experience of 2011 when she got caught in an absolute TORRENT where she got DRENCHED through, even her PANTS!
Thus Denise was also in possession of a short fuse when it came to habits like 'Not Putting Things Back Where They Belong' and 'Using The Work Top Saver When Chopping Things On The Work Top', amongst other things but she didn't go on about them because Thus Denise was trying of late to adopt a more Buddhist approach to life - you know, live and let live, do not murder people for minor indiscretions and all that malarkey and there are more important things happening in the world to get tetchy over, aren't there?
However, back to brolly things. One brolly lived in the hallway, either resting against the shoe cupboard or hanging from the coat rack. And the other brolly lived in Thus Denise's little blue motor car. And because Thus Denise liked things to be put back where they belonged after they had been, oh, I don't know, maybe 'borrowed' by other lovely people (because Thus Denise did not lend her lovely brollies to any old people, oh no she did not) she ALWAYS knew where to find a brolly should it, for instance, chuck it down with rain (like it did this morning) and she wanted, nay needed, a brolly because she was going into town to purchase a Golden Wedding Anniversary card and to sign up for an evening class that had taken her fancy and she did not want a repeat of the 2011 incident referred to above because dry pants are essential to good health, especially when on a life-long mission to avoid chafing.
And where was Brolly Number One - large and decorated with a painting of Monet's Waterlilies and much admired by casual pedestrians? Well, it sure as heck wasn't in the hallway. It might, thought Thus Denise, be in Andy's car. Which was with Andy. Who was at work. Dry work. Un- needful of a brolly. It was an item Unreturned To Where It Should Be.
And Brolly Number Two - a large pretty-with-little-ditsy-pink-flowers-could-double-as-parasol number? God only knows. It certainly wasn't in Thus Denise's little blue car where it should have been. Perhaps it was in the care of her daughter? Maybe? Another Item Unreturned To Where It Should Be? Perhaps?
Le parapluie est perdu as they say en France. (Is it 'le' or 'la?' Je ne sais pas.)
And so Thus Denise scuttled about town this morning, in and out the showers and the shops to run her errands without a brolly. She could have, on her travels, purchased a third brolly but that would be defeating the object of encouraging people to put things back where they find them, wouldn't it?
She is being very Buddhist about it all!
And you will be pleased to know that her pants remained rain-free.
'Way too much information,' says Primrose.
'Mmmfffphhmmmppphfffff,' says sticky toffee-beaked Daisy.