And ANOTHER thing that annoys me about Maidstone, aside from the hideous volume of traffic, the constant building of MORE houses in spaces you wouldn't think more houses could be levered into, the shopping areas full of tat shops and the Council who are so short-sighted with their town development plans they make Mr Magoo look like a sharp-eyed eagle after a shrew at 800 yards, is the lunging.
Lunging? What's that then? I shall tell you. It's when you're zipping around town doing a spot of errand running and you get lunged at by people trying to sell you something. I've already had a mutter in a previous blog post about the 'chuggers' - those charity reps who start their sales pitch with, 'I'm not going to try and sign you up to anything,' and then proceed to try and sign you up to something. And now I'm going to have a mutter about the lungers. (Feel free to wander off and do some ironing/ yoga/ fill out your tax return whilst I mutter. I am fully aware I can go on a bit - heaven knows I bore myself rigid with it all sometimes - but I have to get it off my chest or the bile will continue to rise. And I'm making hot cross buns later which are NEVER good with bile.)
So, I went into town this morning to a) buy some fabric to make a skirt b) stock up on arty crafty and colouring in type stuff for Number One Granddaughter, Kayleigh c) find a little gift for my GORGEOUS and now very slim hubbie because we have decided on a chocolate-free Easter this year in support of the staying of slimness and d) to purchase an Easter jigsaw. Actually, I didn't go to town specifically to purchase a jigsaw but I saw one of cartoon cats in a sewing room...
...and I thought it was rather appropriate given it combines two of my favourite things of all time i.e cats and sewing. And I also have three of this style of cat jigsaw puzzle and it's nice to have a little collection of something, isn't it? Unless it's something like slugs in your garden. That would be a bad collection.
Well, I was in town for barely an hour. Any trip I make into the town centre these days is executed Ninja-style - quick in and out so that I barely register the stress and horror of it all. And in that time I was lunged at THREE times. THREE!!! Once on a corner by TalkTalk wanting to know about my internet connection, which, I have to say, is no-one's business but my own, secondly by Sky wanting me to NOT to sign up to Sky but, well, wanting me to sign up to Sky (as it turned out - their sales people are very transparent) and thirdly, by some American cosmetic company who had a little stall just inside the entrance to WHSmiths (of all places) and if you wanted to go into WHSmiths, which I did, you had to pass within a gnat's nose hair of the - how shall I say - buoyant sales chap.
Honestly, it was like playing dodgeball. And they were the three who actually managed to block my Ninja trajectory. There were other lungers, oh yes, whom I managed to avoid purely by giving them a bit of a look as I approached. A look that said, 'Back off! I am on a mission and you are NOT part of it.'
I tell you, I was so discombobulated by what should have been a half hour trip I bought green fabric for my skirt. GREEN!! I NEVER wear green. I am as like to wear green as I am to wear grey. (Your turn, Jess - on guard!) Mind you, it's a nice green with a pale flower pattern. A bit like this...
...only a bit more sagey green because my naff i-pad camera will not (and refuses) to do the proper colour justice.
...Nope - still not the authentic colour. Ah well...
So there - lungers. There are too many in Maidstone. But I feel soooo much better for getting that off my chest. Thank you kindly for listening!
(P.S Olly - photos of the quilt to appear shortly. I may need to get Andy to organise a proper photo shoot for it as I shall need all my arm length to hold it up and, as you can see, the ipad camera will be incapable of recording its true and magnificent beauty!)