Yesterday, this arrived in the post...
At first we were very excited. I mean, who doesn't like to receive an unexpected cheque in the post? However, that excitement soon dissipated when we squinted at the amount. 26 pence. Pennies. Pee. 26 of them.
'But from whence came these unexpected riches?' I hear you cry. (And don't even think about sending begging letters because they will fall on deaf eyes...deaf eyes? Oh, you know what I mean. And whilst I am on the subject of money, I would like to say, 'Feel free to sponsor Andy on his diet at any time. I know you are probably all holding back until the last minute but we wouldn't want the system to crash on Day 365 would we, and he is doing very well and it isn't only him who is suffering with this whole crazy theory that apparently eating less and moving more makes you lose weight. And remember all the times he has sponsored you, and supported you? Pay back time!)
Back to our sudden wealth. It seems this cheque for twenty six of our finest English pennies is a (blows small trumpet fanfare)...ROYALTY CHEQUE! For a single sale of a Nearly King Jimbo e-book download at Christmas 2013!
Now, this was eighteen months ago, and what I want to know is, does this sum include an interest payment? I mean, I am self employed now. I have to do tax returns and I want to get my sums right. Interest payments are taxable, you know. I wouldn't want to end up in the clink for non-declaration of an eighth of a pee of interest. Not when Her Maj's Inland Revenue seems to be in such dire straits at the mo.
Oh for goodness' sake! Enough sarcasm already. My work as a writer is done. I have my first Royalty Cheque. All these years of writing and I have earned 26p! Hard work indeed. But not as hard work as making two banana loaves yesterday with the assistance of my sous chef, Kayleigh.
I finished work and went straight to collect Kayleigh without even having a pee break. There's dedication for you. Into town we went to buy sandals (time to get the toesies out for Summer!) and a pencil case as we are now doing what Andy calls 'book learning' in preparation for big school in September. We went into a proper shoe shop because I think proper shoes are important for little feet, and Kayleigh immediately homes in on a pair of luminous pink sandals despite our plan to go for something less obvious, like red. Her feet, upon measurement with an I-pad would you believe, have gone up a whole size. I tried to steer her towards a pair of slightly less pink sandals, but she was determined that luminous pink was the only way to go and we left the shop, her with her little feet flashing and me muttering that you would think a high calibre brand of shoe shop would have better taste.
Anyway, quick visit to stationery shop to purchase pencil case et al, then home for baking.
Kayleigh and I have a routine when we get back. Firstly, we check all the lavender for rosemary beetles and flick any that we find into the road. Then Kayleigh checks for chicken eggs and I can tell how many there are by the loudness of the exclamation she makes. Then we have tea and/or squash and a crumpet each or possibly some fruit and seeds, and then yesterday we baked.
Kayleigh is a very hands on baker. Which basically means she gets stuff everywhere. And this accounts for the exploding egg. She negotiated the cracking of the first egg with reasonable success but then, for reasons known only to her, chose to break the second egg by the method of 'Squeezing it VERY hard.'
Anyway, I cleaned up the mess, all the while thinking how amazing it was that such a small thing could produce such a massive amount of goo, and we made banana loaves (two thereof) and collapsed for some writing practice. Luckily, Grandpa and Heather had arrived home by then and took over whilst I cooked dinner and shouted helpful hints from the sidelines like, 'Use phonics! It's 'mmmm' not 'em' and 'say 'sounds' not 'letters' ' because I am a teacher and we are bossy like that.
Heather declared the whole process quite exhausting. I said, 'I know. That is why I look so raddled after a day at school.'
And that's all I have to say on the subject of 'Work Done!'