Apologies for the lateness of this second part of astrological wisdom, but Primrose has been partaking of the 'Fluence' and wasn't really up to seeing into the future yesterday, nor the day before. To be honest, she couldn't much see beyond the end of her own beak, but ta-dah! Here we are today, all detoxed and ready to go! The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and I am watching a re-run of 'Pride and Prejudice' on TV (my regular Colin Firth fix - mmmmmmm!) so I shall pass you into the capable and steady wings of Primrose...
'July - It WILL rain, I am warning you now, so don't be making any holiday plans. Bikinis, also, are ill-advised, especially for those over 68 and male. Your best employment will be made in doing your Christmas shopping - good purchases will be had in early Summer sales of beach wear so here's a tip - make up 'Holiday 2016 Hampers' as gifts! Lucky numbers - 3, 11, 37 and 44 which, co-incidentally, make a nice Chinese takeaway.
August - the County of Kent will be found floating off the coast of Norway and may be mistaken for a rare whale, so be prepared for unwanted attention, all you Kentish Men and Maids, and Maids and Men of Kent (depending upon which side of the river you were born.) The rest of you may also receive extra attention through bathing in the spotlight of the 'Interesting Kent Whale.' Now would be an excellent time to experiment with avant garde hair colours and spangly glasses.
September - the urge to buy new stationery and pencil cases will be prevalent. Try to resist this urge and under NO circumstances be drawn into ill-advised purchases of novelty erasers. The scented variety are especially tacky - even if you are a 12 year old girl. Lucky dip - guacomole. Lucky Jim - Broadbent.
October - beware heavy leaves. Hot fashion colours will be Antique Mould, Anaphylactic Neon Pink and Sand Blaster. They won't suit everyone, so seek the advice of an in-store shopper, or save yourself some cash and knit your Winter wardrobe yourself using 'In the Navy' blue. The pop sensation, One Direction, will split up. Luckily, they will each have a separate direction in which to go unless I have mis-counted, then one of them may be directionless. The world will be awash with hysterical teenage screaming, then peace will return, thank goodness.
November - Easter eggs will be in the shops to avoid the Christmas rush so stock up now if you are a complete crackpot. Kent will return to Britain and become wedged between North Wales and Liverpool. This will cause some confusion, not least in terms of whether the soft Kent cows should over-wintered in a barn or left to freeze their bullocks off in the fields. Lucky photograph - that one of you in that hat at that wedding. Lucky frivolous adornment - pompom.
December - 2015 will end this month so if you've any unfinished business, knitting or cake, now is the time to end it all. 2016 will be the Year of Origami so you might want to brush up on your paper-folding skills so you don't get caught out making that tricky frog on a water-lily! A man in a red suit will be seen in a shopping centre. Expectations will be high and therefore inversely proportionate to the goods delivered, both real and metaphorical. The bottom will fall out of brussel sprout sales. Ferrero Rocher will be the new sprout. Cooking tip: don't. Lucky chicken - buff Orpington. Lucky doctor - Watson. Who? No, Watson.
And now for the last six star signs:
Libra - on balance, a good year to lose weight and get fit. Or put on weight and get fit depending where you sit in the BMI scale. The new 'Lose Weight the Widdecombe Way with Anne Widdecombe' dvd will be a blessing - honest, it will.
Scorpio - those born in the first week of November are the very best sort, and so will have a jolly good year. You will become leaders, if not of others, then of yourselves and maybe that new cocker spaniel puppy you've been contemplating smuggling into the house when no-one is looking.
Sagittarius - off-load excess baggage. Plough your own field - and if you haven't got a field, trowel up a few tubs or troughs.
Capricorn - time to implement that new idea for a breakfast cereal you've had in your head ever since that fateful day when you poured synthetic orange juice on your cornflakes instead of milk. You could name it after your star sign - it is bound to be a winner! Remember your favourite cousin when the cash starts rolling in.
Aquarius - career plans take off this year in unexpected ways. You may be teaching, you may be flower arranging - just take care not to confuse the two. A lot of damage can be done with a pair of secateurs and a board marker. Seek advise from someone older than you - she knows, you know.
Pisces - a good year for travel, taking up a new hobby or practising your skills in italic hand-writing. You may dig up something exciting in the garden but remember it will never be as exciting as a box of Maltesers.'
And there we go! Let that be a lesson to you all!
Happy New Year!