Heather and I had an evening out yesterday visiting a designer discount retail outlet that I've not visited for years. Not since it was little more than oh, about three shops and a dodgy cafe. And now is a cornucopia of a gazillion shops and more dodgy cafes.
Anyway, Andy was in London at some important veterinary conference show thingy and wasn't due back until late so Heather and I had what she terms a 'Mum' date. And since I've been on financial rations for the last two months or so because of the effing roof (which STILL has a missing tile - NEVER trust a roofer is the lesson learned for 2014) I decided that, now we are financially solvent again, I'd try and find a winter coat given my old one is over 5 years old now and looking a bit, well, dead. And I was also going to buy Andy some new clothes because now he has lost nearly 5 stones he is starting to look like a 6 year old wearing a giant's garb.
I found a coat almost as soon as we arrived. In Fat Face which is a hip 'n' trendy, if slightly pricey brand. And this coat was a parka coat.
I've never owned a parka coat. In my mind, parka coats have always been the domain of 10 year old boys from the 1970s, with their utility features and weird funnel hood thing. But this one - well, it was love at first sight! I said to Heather, 'I love that coat.' And to make it more enticing it had been reduced from £98 to £50 AND there was a special offer of another 20% off bringing it down to £40!!!
Well, you know how much I enjoy a bargain. I was going to try on that coat. And as I put an arm in the sleeve Heather said, 'Aren't you a bit worried you'll look like Liam Gallagher?' (For those of you who don't know Liam Gallagher was part of the Manchester band Oasis. He is also a yob.)
She's such a charmer, my daughter!
Well, the coat was fab. Is fab. I bought it. I wore it out today to walk to embroidery class. It has padded lining,is warm, waterproof and has a lovely (fake) fur-trimmed hood thereby negating the need for an umbrella.
And it does not make me look like Liam Gallagher because:
a) I am a girl and he is the missing link
b) I have two eyebrows whereas he has one
c) I have manners; he has all the charm of a trogladyte
d) I can keep my legs together when I walk but he walks like he has got a coat hanger in his pants
e) he is a multi-millionaire, so you'd think he'd smile more, whereas I have little monetary value but am a cheerful sort
f) I look a thousand times better in a bargain parka coat than he will ever look in one that probably cost ten times as much
g) he wrote 'Wonderwall' which, let's face it, is a bit of a dirge and I am writing 'Night Owls' which, be honest, is light, bright and funny in places (What do you mean, you wouldn't know because you haven'tread it. I am VERY disappointed...)
And that is why I do not look like Liam Gallagher in my new parka coat.
You will also be pleased to know I bought Andy a jumper and a sweatshirt which fit him and make him look even slimmer. And old than 6.
A most successful Mum Date!