Do you see what I did there? I made a little poem for the title of today's post! See, one day back at work and I think I'm an English teacher or something!
I have been thinking, you see, which those of you who know me will say, 'Ooh, there's a dangerous thing,' but there you go, thinking I have been doing and the nice thing about thinking is that a) no one can stop you doing it b) it is free and c) no one need know the thinkings in your mind and hence it is the most private of private occupations. Unless you decide to blurt them out, of course, and then you have to take the consequences, good or bad.
Am I rambling? I think I might be. See, first day back at work and my brain turns to scrambled egg.
Someone once said (I can't remember who but probably a very wise person like Confucius or the Dalai Lama or Shakespeare or Ermintrude from the Magic Roundabout) that it is best keep quiet and be thought a fool rather than open one's mouth and have it proved. Or something like that. (If it was followed by 'Boom, boom!' then it was definitely Basil Brush. Ermintrude would have added, 'Dear thing,' because she was lovely like that.)
And part of my recent spiritual spring cleaning process (all right, I know it is Autumn - Autumn cleaning, then) is pondering on why I try to do certain things and then go off all half-cocked and experience fizzle in varying degrees. And what I think (and feel free to disagree with me here - Lord knows I have been in for it a lot recently, for daring to voice my opinions, but I have discovered I am a big girl made of sturdy stuff and can take it) is that I make my ideas and plans too big and end up biting off more than I can chew. (Unless, of course,it is an idea involving cake. Nuff said.)
I shall give you an example, if you are still hanging on in there. A few years ago Andy and I were swept up into the green life dream extolled through the televisual excitement generated by one Mr Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. Yes, we thought, as we watched his programmes, bought his books and even visited his farm in the West Country for a jolly nice River Cottage dining experience. Yes, this is the way to go. We could do this. We could grow stuff and keep chickens and bees. We could cook from scratch and be at one with Nature. We could be Tom and Barbara Good.
(What is that I hear you say? That we HAVE grown our own and kept chickens and bees and we cook our own food and appreciate birdsong? Well, yes, I KNOW but just hang on in there with me, just a little longer.)
Our biggest stumbling block, you see, to fulfilling this green dream is the fact it is difficult to do these things to any great extent on a small plot and from a standard semi-detached house in a town. There would DEFINITELY be neighbourhood ructions if we moved a cow into the front garden, for example. We still have a smallish mortgage, we still have to work, we don't have the luxury of rich and generous relatives or inheritances to give us a leg up. We just are not in the financial position to do what we want to do exactly how we want to do it. And if we tried then it is obvious to us both (and believe me we have done the Maths many times over!) that we would merely be swapping one set of problems for another. And THAT is NOT going to make for a better life.
And part of what I have been thinking recently is that actually, we don't have THAT many problems! And I am not really discontent with my lot. And that what is called for here if change is to happen is baby steps not massive leaps into the dark without a safety net.
I have been accused of being risk averse, like that in itself is a bad thing. I think I am
more of a 'risk aware' person. It is in my nature to enjoy feeling safe. Crazy, isn't it, enjoying feeling safe??
So yesterday I was still having a think and the phrase 'Sews, Grows and Prose' popped into my head. A phrase that encompasses my three favourite things of sewing and growing stuff and writing! And it occurred to me that if I tried to do a little of each of these things every day (or most days because I am realistic enough to know that once in a while I shall just want to sit on the sofa eating biscuits and watching the boxed set of 'Jam and Jerusalem' and just have a good laugh) then I would have a pretty happy and fulfilled life! No more than just a little, mind. Being overwhelmed by your lot is not good for the soul.
So yesterday I sowed some cress on the window sill, started a piece of embroidery and wrote a couple of thousand words. And today I planted some rocket and radish in the greenhouse, did some embroidery and made lots of plot point notes. And I felt like I had achieved something. It wasn't magnificent by some people's standards but it was good enough for me. And at this moment in time it is me who counts.
And whilst the 'Grow' part will have to include a variety of gardening activities because it isn't the best time of year to start planting stuff (doh!) I reckon I can do a little every day to maintain an air of contentment in my life and keep things moving along and being interesting.
It's a thought, anyway.