Firstly, I need you to know how much angst I have been through today in order to bring new and exciting content to you on the Much Malarkey Manor website.
And secondly, I need Flora Bijou Mybug to know how much angst SHE will be facing if she continues to destroy things with wires attached, like phone chargers and earphones and fairy lights. She is costing us a fortune and further damages will be docked from her cat treat budget if she isn't careful.
But back to firstly...
I started writing a story this week and I thought, I know - I'll put it in the library on the website under 'Short Stories' and see if anyone enjoys reading it. So I did. The first three chapters. And my resident illustrator, also known as Andy, kindly headed it with a picture. This 'novel in waiting' as I call it, is called 'Scratch!' It is about a wannabe writer (so in no way semi-autobiographical) and features appearances so far from God, Death and the Devil, who is also called Petal. It is a comedy. Just in case you decide to have a read and get to the end of Chapter 3 and aren't quite sure.
Anyway, I then thought I should write a blog post to tell everyone what I have done. Andy said, 'There is an app you can use on your I-pad to blog on Weebly with,' because he knows how slow my desk top can be and also its irritating habit of losing the interwebbly immediately prior to my performing important functions like, oh, publishing a post it has taken half of my day to write on a slow computer. And he knows how much I miss blogging on the Blogger app which was generally quick and easy and tres convenient.
Right, I thought. Let's get this useful app and make blogging a trouble free and joyful experience once more.
Firstly, it has been so long since I downloaded an app I have forgotten my password, so had to reset it. Then the App Store said I couldn't have the Weebly app because I needed to download update 7.0s something something squiggly bum hippopotamus aardvark nadger fluff first. So I did. This took over half an hour. And then it kept asking me annoying questions about location and iClouds and my breakfast cereal of choice(which, in case you were wondering, is NO cereal, because cereal is a bad thing and the reason we are all sugar dependent and weak in the face of advertisements. We have been brainwashed by cornflakes! The Breakfast Apocalpse is Nigh!!).
And then, just when I thought I was winning, the App Store still wouldn't let me have the app because my credit card had expired and I had to update it.
'But it's a FREE app!' I screamed at this point, and Andy quietly and tactfully withdrew to the kitchen to make me tea and a buttered crumpet to calm my frazzled nerves.
But eventually I managed to download the Weebly blogging app. Slightly annoyingly it is an app for iPhones which means when I use it on my ipad the letters on the keyboard LEAP out at me like I am some kind of myopic owl and they are the alphabet mice teasing me in the twilight of a summer's evening, daring me to rip their heads off, which, I can tell you, I am just in the mood to do.
So, basically, the news for today is that I have put three chapters of a new story called 'Scratch!' under 'Short Stories.'
Pleeeeeease...someone read it and tell me what you think.
Ta very much!
(Shuffles off to a quiet corner to quaff her tea and snaffle her crumpet muttering, 'I hate bloody technology.')